Paper Hearts
by Masquerading with Shadows
Summary: She throws them up into the air, only to watch them flutter down again like rain. Tori/Beck; Jade/Beck.


One of the first things Tori does when she meets Beck is kiss him. She'd be lying if she said that the feel of his lips, his hands on her hips, and the faint smile on her face wasn't stuck in her head for quite a long time afterwards. & when she thinks about it, her head is filled with pink and red and white glitter that falls around her like rain, and it's so beautiful.

But she forgets about Beck after a little while, because her life starts to fill up with confetti and music notes and ten page long scripts (the paper reminds her of him – shh!). So she forgets about how her lip gloss stained his lips, and how warm his hands were through her clothing.

(But she doesn't forget to s m i l e .)

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Victoria Vega acquires most of the facts she currently knows about Beckly Oliver a week after her first day at Hollywood Arts High School. Originally, they hadn't actually been talking to each other, just sitting and watching everyone else at their table. But then Andre had run off because he'd had a song idea, Jade had gone to kill the person who spilt soda down her pants, and Robbie and Cat had gone off to do homework together. Which happened to leave Tori and Beck together.

The best thing about Beck, Tori decides, is that you can ask him anything, and he'll answer it in some way, all thanks to his 'No Secrets' policy. By the end of lunch, Tori's learnt that Jade is his sixth girlfriend, and his longest one to date, his favourite colour is navy blue, he's been acting all his life, and that he likes lemonade.

They smile at each other (actually, he just grins like a Cheshire cat), and Tori has tomato sauce at the corner of her lips because it's pizza day, and just before the bell rings, Tori gets the courage to write her number on the back of Beck's hand (Jade will probably break hers in return). She tells him to call her, and then she slings her bag over her should with Make it Shine and stars dancing in her head.

At the end of the day, Beck's hand is smeared with black, but he can just (only barely) make out the digits. He calls her, and they talk, but then Jade's knocking at his door, and his smeared hand matches her nail polish.

.

Beck is in a lot of her classes.

He usually sits in front of her, occasionally throwing a smile at her behind his soldier. If Jade's in the same class, she'll sit next to him. Half way through the class, Beck will start swinging his arm to the side, occasionally brushing closer to Jade's. Eventually, Jade will grasp his hand in hers, threading her fingers through his.

Then, their hands just hang there, right in the middle of the space between the desks, joining them (Jade&Beck&Beck&Jade&ohwhereohwhereisBeck&Tori&Beck&Jade). Finally, a teacher will scold them, and their hands will fall away as smirks appear on both their faces and they sneak looks at each other (Jade is always the one that looks away first).

Other times, if Jade isn't there, Tori will just look at Beck. Look at the pattern on his shirt, start to get hypnotised by them, look at him from a different perspective. Occasionally, she'll sketch a picture of him from memory (and it's never seems as perfect as it could be), led smiles and gray eyes, and his name stained with blue ink.

The bell will break her out of her reverie and still her hand. She slams her book shut and rushes out the door with her other classmates, all the while watching Beck, and never really anything else. He always seems to run in the other direction to her.

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A little while after her first day at school, Beck starts to meet her on her way to school. He'll walk with her, hands in pockets and backpack slung over his shoulder, with a contemplative look on his face that turns into a grin quickly, and soft eyes that crinkle at the edges when Tori makes a joke. She gets used to these walks, looking forward to their simple conversations and corny jokes.

She also gets used to him going off with Jade almost as soon as they walk through the doorway, a quick kiss on Jade's cheek and a small glance in her direction. She watches as they walk off to class, Beck following behind Jade as he tries to catch up to her quick stride. For a little while after that, Tori just stares at the stars on her locker (she won't make a wish, because they aren't falling).

Beck walks her to school in the mornings, but never back home (which Tori thinks is a little bit incomplete of him). Instead, she watches him hop into Jade's car, throwing his backpack in the back of it and hopping in beside her. She hears the rush and roar of the engine, rather than two footsteps lightly tapping against the pavement, watches them speed off into the distance rather than looking at Beck beside her.

She doesn't really mind walking by herself though; the trip just seems to go slower as she skips over every crack in the pavement, her bag heavy on her back (she falls on the cracks four times, and that's four years of bad luck). Still, she gets a little sad each time she walks past the spot where he'll meet her tomorrow morning. She runs the rest of the way home, forgetting about the cracks and enjoying the fresh air.

A couple of weeks later, she walks outside of her house to see Beck leaning against a nearby tree, smiling at her. Together, they skip over the cracks (and this time, there are no more years of bad luck). It makes up for him missing her in the afternoons, just those couple of extra minutes with him. And this time, before he goes off with Jade, he waves goodbye to her (and she waves back).

.

Tori is sixteen and three quarters, and fifteen days old (blow out the candles and watch the flames fade away, baby girl) when she writes her first song all _by herself_. It's filled with sickly sweet love rhymes and bitter teenage naivety, with quavers and crotchets that remind her of love hearts and words that make her head spin and her face smile.

Andre scrunches it up as soon as Tori has skipped out of the room (dedicated to B E C K ), and later tells her that he lost it. And ever so unfortunately, she isn't able to re-write it because it's been washed away from her memory due to a deep sleep (filled with Romeo & Juliet-esque kisses). Still, she manages to walk away from Andre with a spring in her step and a dreamy look in her eyes.

.

They're practising for play when they kiss again. Beck's lips are redder than before, matching the mark on his cheek, and his brown eyes sparkle as he recites his lines (and she believes every single fucked-up word he says). He strokes his hand over her cheek, whispers in her ear, and suddenly, he's her own little secret _(– shhh) _as she curls her fingers in his hair, and grips on for dear life.

His eyes meet hers, and suddenly he's more hypnotic than confetti and sparkly dresses and city lights at night could ever be, and she swears that she can hear his heart beating in his chest. But then it's broken with a clap and a shout, and thousands of praises about both of their performances.

They walk off the stage, hand in hand, and Andre congratulates her as Beck walks over to Jade. She looks out of the corner of her eye, seeing them hug and kiss as Jade grips his shirt in her tight hands; digs her nails into the fabric. She watches as her lipstick is replaced with cold, white hands and black lipstick.

_(i'll be your lucky number seven, baby.) _

The glitter in her hair starts to fall out, leaving a sparkly trail behind her (even though it looks like a trail of dust). Maybe, just maybe, she thinks, she only wants what she can't have. And at that, her blue nail polish is tinted red and her cheeks match the glitter on the ground.

.

On her seventeenth birthday, the big performance hall is rented out just for Tori. It's filled with streamers, and a rainbow of helium balloons, and a poster with the words "Happy Birthday!" on it. She screams and she hugs and jumps as soon as she gets in and discovers it, and it's just a little bit like her own fairy world; complete with flashing lights, and colourful patterns, and pretty red ribbons tied tight.

Presents consist of shoes, dresses, a song book, a friendship bracelet, and a make-up kit, but to her, that doesn't really matter. All she really wants is to be with her friends, and have fun (and to be perfect, but she tries not to think about that too much). Time passes, but still the disco ball turns and spreads rainbows around the room, and the cameras are still flashing and she's still smiling.

Her parents bring out the cake, littered with glowing candles that shine eversobright in a suddenly dark and quiet room. She closes her eyes, thinking hard and fisting her hands into tight balls as she makes her wish, opening them just in time to see the flames flicker and the orange, red and yellow all disappear from view (she won't tell you what her wish is, because then it may not come true).

Then, everybody brings out the sparklers, and the room seems to go even darker than before, even with the light spluttering and jumping around the room (and it's a little bit like the halo around a star). And someone grasps her hand, and she looks down to see entwined fingers and two matching bracelets.

Beck and Tori share the sparkler, letting it light up their faces and eyes, giving them a glow (they've got their own fireworks).

Later that night, when her parents drive her back home, she looks out the back car window to see her friends waving her goodbye, sparklers still in hand. They draw patterns and shapes and words in the air, with the sparklers still cracking and glowing. She thinks they look like little stars against the blackened night sky, all together and all the same. She looks at them until they're little yellow dots in an all consuming black world.

(She blows out her seventeen candles and wishes on millions of pretty little stars that night.)

.

Her hand feels a lot cooler without Beck's, and they're on their way to being late to the movie. Beck's been gone for five minutes now, though distantly; she can hear him talking on his cell phone. It's a warm day, with golden sun and a bright blue sky, and it's the most cliché picture of happiness anyone's ever thought of – but still, she likes these days the best. It makes her warm inside, watching as the sun pokes through the trees and giving everything a halo.

Suddenly, Beck comes back, his hands in his pocket, and a surprise wind whipping at his hair. He walks slowly towards her, stopping just in front of her and looking down for a little bit. He gives her a small, lop-sided smile, and leans on his car.

"Hey," Tori says.

"Hey," Beck replies. "So, ugh, that was Jade. She's having trouble with stuff, and she was wondering if I could come over. Now," he says. "I mean, I don't have to, and I know you really wanted to go and see a movie and stuff – "

"Beck, it's fine," Tori says. "Jade's your girlfriend, so you should really go and help her. Just, drive me home?"

Beck's car is a pale blue convertible with stickers on the back and bonnet, all thanks to Tori (when the windows fog up you can see her name – and Jade's). The car ride back to Tori's house is long and silent, with the wind whipping at Tori hair and making her eyes sting. Her already hard grip on the seat tightens when Beck accidentally brushes against it, and the wind seems to steal more air from her chest.

The city passes by in a blur reflected in Beck's eyes, with the radio as the soundtrack (if we were a movie…). Slowly, Tori notices that the sky is starting to change, the white clouds becoming darker and grouping together, and blocking out the sun. For the rest of the trip, Tori closes her eyes as she thinks of blue skies and tries to remember what Beck's hand felt like.

.

The next day, Tori goes to school to see Jade&Beck again, and they're kissing, and Jade is gripping onto Beck's finger for all her worth, and Beck has _that_ smile on his face again. All Tori can look at are her fake stars as they light up, as she presses her hand against the cool locker door to try and calm her heated skin.

The day goes by slowly, with far too many play rehearsals, and too much spray in her hair, and her skin coated too thickly with glitter _– and oh god, is anyone else finding it too difficult to breathe in here? _She runs home with clapping still thundering in her ears, and high heels dropping loudly against the pavement, and the picture of Jade and Beck still printed on her brain.

As soon as she gets home, she runs upstairs, ignoring her parents (ohplease, ohgod, just _shut up_), and slamming the door behind her, trying to catch her breath. She ruffles her hair, trying to loosen it from its hair-spray confines, and takes off her high heels (they're red with white bows; two of her favourite colours), before collapsing on her bed.

Her pillow feels soft against her skin, and all she really wants to do is sleep, but the image of Beck and Jade, and the thought of her and Beck have been burnt onto the back of her eye lids, along with a swirl of bright colours. Finally, she gives in, and picks up a pencil and a pad paper.

The scissors are supposed to be there to cut through the shapes; to abolish the thought from her brain. But instead, her manicured hands take them around&around&around to get the perfect shape. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 – she loses count after a while.

She doesn't know what to do next. She thinks that she should probably throw them out the window, in the bin, burrow her Dad's shredder and shred them. Just erase the evidence somehow, she thinks. Eventually, she just throws the handful up into the air out of frustration, only to watch them flitter down around her like rain, or glitter, or confetti (or something beautiful).

She runs again. Just out into the backyard, this time (because she doesn't really have anywhere else to go to), right onto the veranda just to watch the rain fall. The clouds are a dark purple, but there's still a little bit of colourful sky left, and the sun is still shining behind them (it gives them a golden lining – silver is overrated anyway). And then, slowly, she starts to smile as she lets the sound of raindrops in her ears, and the fact that the sun is still there.

Even if there isn't a rainbow.

Gently, she reaches out her hand to feel the drip & drop of rain, and slowly, she steps outside to feel the soft warmth on her face (her hair still has a golden shine even when it's wet, ohhowpretty). The rain starts to fall a little bit harder, and then it's washing the glitter away from her skin and hair, and it's falling on her face, and still, the sun sheds itself on her face.

_(i only want what i didn't get.) _

.

She tries to distract herself with practise&performance (because that's what any good little entertainer does). She smiles, and she sings, and she tries her best, and oh god, does she _hope_. They're training for the big concert (remember, the one that got her started?), and it's all got to be ::brilliant:: (can you see her name up in shining lights yet?).

On the night of the concert, she wears a sparkly dress, and high heels, and pink nail polish, and the microphone has never felt more comfortable in her hand. Just before she goes onstage, Andre kisses her cheek, Cat screams excitedly, and Beck smirks as he leans against the wall (secretly, he brushes his hand along her arm as well). She runs out onto the stage, looking at the audience and crosses her fingers tightly.

From then on, it's loud music and sharp dance moves (the friendship bracelet moves with each one of her movements), and sheets and sheets of music are coming to life, and people are clapping, and then the stage is a rug of pink and red and blue and green. Her chest feels constricted, but in the good way, and her sweat is blending in with the glitter on her arms, and she's still gripping the microphone too tightly, but _ohgodyes_, she did it.

And then everyone's surrounding her, replacing their encouragement with congratulations, and they're hugging her and holding her tight, and she's just so, so, so happy (you can see it on her face). And then there's Beck, smiling, and wrapping his arms around her tightly and –_god, he's just so warm_. He lets go of her, but they're still staring at each other, with secret smiles on their faces (and she's just wishing Jade away), and she's starting to get l o s t in his eyes.

_(Maybe it's the glitter, maybe it's the adrenaline pulsing through her veins, maybe it's the colour of his eyes. She still doesn't know.)_

She leans up, right on her tippy-toes, and kisses him.

.

_Let's just be best friends forever, ok? And I'll burn those little paper hearts with our names on them, and I'll shred those drawings and photos that I thought could ever mean something more, and we'll just forget, ok? _

_But I won't lose you. Not ever ever. You can't leave me. _

_._

_::Oh fuck::_

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious.**

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**A/N: Just for your interest, I'm a Jade/Beck girl.**

**PM/Review me if you didn't understand the plot; hated/loved/liked/loathed it, or for any other reason you can think of. **


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